Wednesday, August 10, 2022

My Walk With God

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There was a point in my life when I used to welcome the tears that came with the struggles that came with living in a place like this.

My emotions have truly been a roller coaster over the past years and I have come to an understanding that it is good to cry because it is a very good form of expression.

Am in a place where am getting to know who I am and to learn to open my heart to receive the changes that comes with the many struggles that I am facing there;  truly  growth has taken place in me.

As I flip through the pages of my memories I can remember so many times  since being there that I wanted to give up but I just could not, I was getting to know the Lord and with each step I took with Him leading and guiding me; I wanted more of Him, and by the time I realized it I was just too far to turn back.

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I was in and I did not want out. I had no friends and I remember sitting in the cold and crying begging the Lord to please give me a friend to talk to. I was lonely and felt alone. I can remember how much it hurt, how much I wanted to numb the pain with something.

I was used to finding comfort in a bottle but here I just could not. I wanted the real thing. I was so tired of the emptiness deep within me and I was tired of lying to myself because there was never any comfort in these bottle because after I had drowned myself with what was in these bottles the pain was still there, the hurt did not go away and the emptiness was even more hollow, and all I was left with in the morning was a hangover and more reason to want to take my life.

I was tired of the fast life, living only for today mentally. God knows how much I wanted more out of my life. I felt so unloved and unwanted.

There had been many times during my life when I wanted to do away with my life. Growing up without a dad and a drunk for my mother was not something that gave me any hope for tomorrow.

I remember the many times I fell asleep with tears soaking my pillow. What words can I use to explain all the hurt? The pain used to feel so unbearable, that I used to wish I was never born. Please tell me how to put in words the undying need for love that still rips at my very heart!


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Lena-lina Jean
Lena-lina Jean
Writing became part of my past time it was the best way to express my emotions. My journey in life has been a very lonely one expressing my self on paper was the way to survive the many challenges during my time at university. The need to share my stories has been in my heart but i never had the courage to do so untill now. I do appreciate this apportunity to share my heart I do hope to touch the lives of other through my stories.

1 COMMENT

  1. SLT, a photo would be nice, you should get one. And bio should say if these writers are St. Lucian, diaspora based, writing under assumed names, etc. It ruins the reading experience and empathy you could have, knowing how the online world is open to so many imposters. So much manipulation of our people goes on by implants with an agenda. People would likely give more positive feedback or respectful general comments on these guest article in the “misery memoir” style, like this one and Josh Servais, if they were sure they was real. And not manipulations of a well known con artist who seems to have camped on SLT.

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