Wednesday, October 5, 2022

‘Stingy Men’ Revolt Against Nigeria’s Dating Etiquette

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Women of Nigeria watch out – the men are in revolt.

No longer will they pay for lavish dates; no longer will they provide expensive gifts; no longer will they hand over cash on demand.

That is, at least, according to the country’s Stingy Men Association.

It is a fictional creation – a light-hearted response on social media that emerged earlier this year to some male concerns about the cost of dating.

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“It’s tough being a man in Nigeria, there is too much pressure on us,” 35-year-old Lagos-based journalist Fred Itua told the BBC.

“Everyone expects so much from you. Men should not be seen as spending machines, we also want to be pampered.”

Another man echoed this, saying on Facebook that he felt he did not get the recognition he deserved for the cash he had spent on dates: “Most generous guys are seen as objects to be manipulated, used and disrespected for their generosity.”

The buzz the Stingy Men Association generated on social media gave way to an app, which allowed those that downloaded it to design their own ID cards. It got more than 50,000 downloads within days.

“Members” were also expected to swear an oath to give “shishi” (Nigerian slang for “nothing”) to women.

But some women were sceptical that men could stick to their guns – a view summarised in a tweet showing a photo of actress in a minidress accompanied by the words: “I dressed like this to his house and he denounced his membership of the Stingy Men Association.”

Azeezat Olaoluwa – Women’s affairs reporter, Lagos

ยท5 min read
Bouquets of roses are for sale for Valentine's Day at a flower shop
Bouquets of roses are for sale for Valentine’s Day at a flower shop

Women of Nigeria watch out – the men are in revolt.

No longer will they pay for lavish dates; no longer will they provide expensive gifts; no longer will they hand over cash on demand.

That is, at least, according to the country’s Stingy Men Association.

It is a fictional creation – a light-hearted response on social media that emerged earlier this year to some male concerns about the cost of dating.

"Men should not be seen as spending machines, we also want to be pampered"", Source: Fred Itua, Source description: Journalist in Lagos, Image: Fred Itua
“Men should not be seen as spending machines, we also want to be pampered””, Source: Fred Itua, Source description: Journalist in Lagos, Image: Fred Itua

“It’s tough being a man in Nigeria, there is too much pressure on us,” 35-year-old Lagos-based journalist Fred Itua told the BBC.

“Everyone expects so much from you. Men should not be seen as spending machines, we also want to be pampered.”

Another man echoed this, saying on Facebook that he felt he did not get the recognition he deserved for the cash he had spent on dates: “Most generous guys are seen as objects to be manipulated, used and disrespected for their generosity.”

The buzz the Stingy Men Association generated on social media gave way to an app, which allowed those that downloaded it to design their own ID cards. It got more than 50,000 downloads within days.

Membership card
Men could create and download their own membership card to the Stingy Men Association

“Members” were also expected to swear an oath to give “shishi” (Nigerian slang for “nothing”) to women.

But some women were sceptical that men could stick to their guns – a view summarised in a tweet showing a photo of actress in a minidress accompanied by the words: “I dressed like this to his house and he denounced his membership of the Stingy Men Association.”

Dating in Nigeria can be an expensive business.

‘I had to pay a bill with my watch’

There are some young women who appear to expect men to take care of their every needs, which are not cheap.

They could demand the latest gadgets, the latest fashions and the best make-up, setting someone back hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

Their date also has to pay for nights out, which can come with hidden costs. In a context where many men in Nigeria are not earning much money there is a lot of pressure.

“When I was a bachelor, I took a lady out on a date and made a budget for the two of us,” Mr Itua said.

“But she came with her friend and they ate meals I couldn’t afford. She didn’t offer to split the bill, so I had to give up my wristwatch to balance the fee. She even refused to date me afterwards.”

He felt used, but that expectation of a follow-up date reveals something about the dynamic of a dating relationship where money is involved.

(Read more at:- https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-56416428)

Headline photo courtesy Gama. Films

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Editorial Staff
Editorial Staff
Our Editorial Staff at St. Lucia Times is a team publishing news and other articles to over 200,000 regular monthly readers in Saint Lucia and in over 150 other countries worldwide.

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